in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
