She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
