It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
