benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
