Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We left an ass print on the piano.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
