I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
