I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
