We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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