i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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