He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize