You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize