my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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