I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
