Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
