and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
