so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
