i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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