I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
