This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
