the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
