So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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