I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
