dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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