She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
