Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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