I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
