Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
