so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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