and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
