just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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