butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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