Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
