I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You were trust falling into bushes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
