You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
