my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
