call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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