Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
