This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it glows. i had to have it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
