if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
ttyl tear gas
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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