i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're a waste of cheezeits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
