Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
