I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
