just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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