This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
