i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
