Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
