yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
