Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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