I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
