Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
