My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
