you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
