i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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