I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
