the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
