Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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