i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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