like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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