Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
