Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
