I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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