just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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