Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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