I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
