My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
