you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
