I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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