Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
