Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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