I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
