Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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