Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
