i don't like sucking hair
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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