The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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