All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
