Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
